If you see me wearing a black armband in the next few days, don't worry. No-one's died. I am mourning the news that pork pies are within the category of "red meat" that should be avoided to have a longer life.
What terrible, terrible news.
Still I suppose if it all gets a bit much... I needn't jump in the car and pop the co-ordinates for Beachy Head into the sat nav I haven't got, I can simply open the fridge and reach for a pork pie!