Saturday, 17 March 2012

Grand Slam Fever: The Welsh Grow By a Few Million

It was all for the Hoff- like so many who have converted to Welshness
Oh to be Welsh on such a glorious day!

Hang on a minute. I am!


Mmmmmmmm. Taste that Grand Slam goodness.

Today everyone who is anyone is Welsh.

  • The Pope (of course) is Welsh.
  • The entire Cardiff, Swansea and Wrexham squads are Welsh.
  • Everyone in Gloucestershire, Herefordshire, Shropshire, Cheshire, and Merseyside are Welsh.
  • The Cumbrians and inhabitants of Strathclyde are returning to their Welsh roots.
  • Wolverhampton says it is still in Powys.
  • Our cousins in Cornwall are officially Welsh.
  • Everyone married to a Welsh person or with a Welsh brother, sister, son or daughter-in-law is Welsh.
  • Everyone who's been across the Severn Bridge is Welsh.
  • Everyone who's eaten a Welsh cake, a Peter's Pie or Clark's Pie, had cheese on toast (Welsh rarebit), drunk Brains, Felinfoel or Buckley's Beer is Welsh.
  • Anyone who's eaten a leek or grown (or seen) a daffodil is Welsh.
  • Anyone with an Atlas, map or Google earth (which includes Wales) is Welsh.
  • Anyone who sings quite well is Welsh.
  • Anyone Irish (cos of St Patrick) is Welsh.
  • Anyone called Williams, Davies, Parry, Price, Bowen, Wallace, Walsh or Jones is Welsh.
  • Anyone wearing red is Welsh.
  • Anyone who's watched Dr Who, Hi De Hi, Being Human, Gavin & Stacey or Casualty is Welsh.
  • Anyone who can do a terrible Welsh accent (that sounds like a Pakistani) is Welsh.
  • Anyone who lives in a valley or on a mountain is Welsh.
  • Anyone who lives around the Irish Sea (now known as the Welsh Ocean) is Welsh.
  • Anyone who's caught a ferry (to Swansea, Pembroke, Holyhead preferably - but not essential) is Welsh.
  • Anyone with a castle (henceforth to be called a castell) within 100 miles of their home or workplace is Welsh.
  • Anyone who's used coal or slate is Welsh.
  • Anyone in Catalonia (where castell also means castle) or anyone in Italy or France (where ffenestr, the word for window is almost the same) is Welsh.
  • Anyone called Gareth (hurrah!), David, Lloyd, Bethan, Blodwyn, Rhiannon or similar is Welsh.
  • Anyone whose flag is red, white and green (e.g. Belarus, Bulgaria, Basque, Italy, Hungary, Algeria and Iran) is Welsh.

Probably the person today with the weakest claim to be Welsh is the Germano-Greek "Prince of Wales" aka Charles Saxe-Coburg-Gotha.

So raise your glass of Brains beer or Penderyn Whiskey! Hold high your Clark's or Peter's Pie! (substitutes are acceptable at short notice) and with me, raise your voices so that St Peter himself (obviously Welsh) hears you and drops his keys in shock, as you sing: Gwlad! Gwlad! Pleidiol Wyf I'm Gwlad!*

*("Nation! Nation! True am I to my nation" – from the chorus of the Welsh National Anthem).


  1. "Anyone Irish (cos of St Patrick) is Welsh"

    Really? Many years ago an American lady told me there were only two races in the world: those who were Irish and those who wished they were!

  2. Brilliant!! I've shared this ,totally agree with you, glad you agree I count as Welsh as I 1 married a welshman and 2 live here, and used to live in Hereford

  3. Oh dear Rev Fr., descended from the men of Cork as I am I would normally agree wth you, but today everyone wishes they were (like St Patrick!) Welsh.

    Marion: You are positively Welsh today. Embrace it! Pronounce those LL's with gusto! Imagine the blood of Llewelyn Ap Gruffydd flows in your veins. Altogether now: "Calon Lan..."


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