Saturday, 18 April 2015

An Open Letter to Skechers Shoes

Dear Skechers Shoe People,

I bought these shoes 10 years ago in Boston, in that there America. 

Despite wearing them to the point of destruction, you can imagine my horror when yesterday, after some heavy gardening, the sole began to come away. 

Now I know many items have an inbuilt obsolescence (Mrs H says I've somehow stumbled and mumbled my way past mine) but in this age of countering the throwaway culture I'm distraught that my trusty workingmen's shoes have finally given up the ghost. 

It's in this regard I throw myself on your munificence and ask that you let me trade in my old pair for a new pair. Now I know I no longer have the receipt nor the box but I'm sure as men of this world (if I were wearing high heals I'd address my concerns to a lady, but despite modern fads and fallacies I'm not, so I won't) we can agree to a mutually beneficial outcome in this matter - new shoes for me - and loads of free advertising for you. 

Imagine the scene. Lots of trendy folks are strutting their stuff of a Saturday afternoon and I go by in my spankingly new Skechers shoes. "Oh wow!" they'll exclaim, as I glide by "look at them there shoes. It's like being in downtown LA or sumfink." A few weeks of that will be akin to a paid advert slap bang in the middle of Ant & Dec (no I don't know which is which either). 

It's either that or a tube of super glue or (horror steeped on horror) they'll find their way to a landfill site. And I don't think any of us wish to see that happen. 

So if you'll post a trade-in voucher to me I'll vouch (geddit?) in turn to be the feet of Skechers (I'd say be the face of Skechers like Demi Lovato but let's be realistic, she's not in my league). 

Yours in hope,

Gareth Hurley (aka 'the feet of Skechers'). 

Thursday, 16 April 2015

Wheelie Bin Laden - another Evil Mullah

Those evil Bin Ladens! First Osama in Afghan, now his Irish brother "Wheelie". 😱 will the evil never end?

Bart Finishes the Lights

Bartholomew Q. Kibble-Smythe (the spider) has finally finished the trunking over the electric wires. 

"Let there be light!" He proclaimed. 

It struck me he's given to melodramatics. But a good sparky is worth his weight in gold. 

That's £20 with Bart. 

I asked him if he liked quoting Genesis and he mumbled something appreciative of Peter Gabriel (and "Collins should've kept to the drums") before scuttling away. Ever the primadonna.

Wednesday, 15 April 2015

Bartholomew Q Kubbel Smythe

I have a new friend and his name is Bartholomew Q. Kubbel-Smythe. But he likes to be called Bart. 

I haven't asked him what the Q is for. Yet. It's still early days.