Monday, 2 April 2012

Government Plan My Canal: Now the Hurley 10 Point Plan

Redistribution of Water to Deprived Areas
Can I just say that my idea of opening canals from Wales to South East England surfaced as a possible government policy in yesterday's Sunday Telegraph!

It's obvious that someone high up (hi Dave) is reading my blog, as my ideas are seeping into the higher echelons of government.

Never let it be said I fail to take advantage of my new power for the betterment of society.

Here's my Hurley 10 Point Plan that I now expect the government to enact and which will bring about instant happiness, a revived economy and an all-pervading grooviness that will spread the feel-good factor of the Welsh Grand Slam right across the UK:

Er sir... You'll have to put your shirt back on!
  1. End VAT on hot take aways (as pre-1984) so we can all celebrate with fish and chips (and drop VAT back to 15% or even 10%).
  2. Promote meat-free Fridays (you can say it's for the environment to placate all the liberals).
  3. Ban men with moobs going topless when the sun shines for the sanity of us all. And men over 25 can be arrested for dressing like teenagers (3/4 trousers, silly wordy t-shirts etc.)
  4. Ban "boom boom" bass-heavy music in boy racer cars (whatever the weather).
  5. Next 'quantatatatative easing' - give us the money so we can pay it into the banks - great for us and the economy, banks end up with the money - so same end result.
  6. Bring Doctor Martens back to Northants and give 50% vouchers to all. Decent shoes for school, work and walking the dog.
  7. Drop the TV license and replace it with a single 1 minute advert between each programme (I detest adverts - but I resent paying for the BBC even more).
  8. Cap utility bills at a small percentage above the wholesale price (so no huge profits).
  9. Make the national Saints' Days public holidays with processions, celebrations, concerts etc.
  10. And drop the whole gay marriage thing which is just... erm... so... erm... gay!
There. That's the starting point for wellbeing and social cohesion.Just send a car for me and I'll get to Westminster to discuss their implementation forthwith.

And there's so much more good work to do! I am planning my campaign to promote pork pies and Brains beer right now!

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