The Hurley Bird Catches the Worm: Tip of the Week

Showing posts with label Tip of the Week. Show all posts

Monday, 26 March 2012

Tip of the Week: Water for Drought-Hit England

In those areas of England hit by drought (NB: certainly not Wales, Scotland or Ireland!) they have to conserve their water resources. What a great way for the Celtic nations to make money from the rich South East! Sell them water. Not least as it's only 100 odd miles from the Welsh border to the South East.

One big canal scheme would get lots of people in to work and would provide an income for Wales from the rich South East of England.

So come on Mr. Cameron! Put down your cutlery and get off your horse. We have three problems to solve: unemployment, the wobbling economy and a drought.

Meanwhile for those in the South East of England worried about water usage, here's a poem to help when doing your daily ablutions:

If It's Yellow: Let it Mellow.
If it's Brown: Flush it Down.
If it's Black: See the Quack.
If it's Pink: See a Shrink.

Thank you.

My services as an adviser to government on the environment are available. Ministers and Whitehall hirelings need only drop me a line for my very reasonable rates. Pip pip.

Thursday, 15 March 2012

Tip of the Week: if in Doubt Report it!

My Tip of the Week is to take reports with a pinch of salt.

This week I've heard that red meat will bring you an early death; and that pensions are in crisis because we are all living longer than ever before (ask Old Pa Hurley, he's 105).

This week I've heard that primary school children are uneducated, can't sufficiently read etc. yet almost annually we hear how exam results at secondary schools are getting better than ever before (whilst we still hear how children think Hitler played in goals for Germany or Churchill led the troops at Waterloo).

I've also heard how wine can shorten and elongate your life.

If you took all government, NGO, pressure group and other reports at face value you'd be a gibbering wreck!